Wednesday, February 29, 2012

March Madness... and I'm Not Talking Basketball.

I'll start out by saying that this post has purely originated from a hormonal rage/pregnancy-induced emotional fit. But this month has me feeling completely anxious and overwhelmed. There are so many things happening in the month of March. And its not even that they are bad things, they are just HUGE things. Well... huge in my little world anyway.

What my calendar for the month of March looks like-

First up, my husband goes to his next promotion board on the 6th. This is such a big deal for him and our family, and the days preceding it, are normally pretty stressful. He hasn't exactly had an easy go of it. Especially last month, when he had studied for weeks before, and the day before the board, fell ill. So ill, that it really salted his game. When he arrived home from that board, his face was so swollen (sinus infection) that I could hardly recognize him. So I'm praying that this month goes smoother for him, and he achieves his goal.

Next up, is a medical procedure for my hubby, on the 13th, that will hopefully put him a little closer to a pain free knee.  They are doing an injection into the lumbar region of his spine, in hopes to block any nerve endings causing the pain in his knee. We're both skeptical about this due to the fact that one of the many doctors he has seen, said that it was not nerve related... *sigh* we shall see. Again I'm praying- praying that this might actually be the start of a cure for him. That maybe he can just be happy and pain-free again.

Following closely to that, is something that should help lighten our spirits no matter what- we get to see Peanutly for the first time on the 15th. This is so totally exciting for a couple of reasons. The first being that, well, WE GET TO SEE OUR BABY! As a family! For the first time! So wonderful! But second, because March 15th, is a pretty big day for my husband and I. We call it D-Day. It was the day that he asked me if we could make our relationship official. March 15th... six years ago. So I can't think of any thing better to do on this day, then to see our growing son or daughter (son..son..son.. he he he). Again I'm praying- praying pure praise to the Lord for the blessing of this baby!!!

But overall... those things are all manageable, and don't seem so monumental, until we pile on what the month of March means for my husband's Army career and our life as a family. The month of March, a whole 31 days, is my husband's re-enlistment window. This month will possibly be enormously revealing about our future this year. Where we'll go next, when, whether my husband will get to watch our unborn baby grow up or not, and watch our daughter continue to grow(deployment or not). Its quite a trivial month. And to make matters worse (in my eyes) hubbers is on the night shift this month. So it makes it harder to deal with filling out paper work, going up the chain of command (whom are all on day shift) for answers on paperwork, filling out more paperwork... yada yada yada.

I am 100% relying on the Lord, for I know where ever we go next, will be just where HE wants us to be. I know God has my best interest at heart, and that of my family's too. And maybe when I get over trying to be worried, stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious about what's to come in March, God will be able to do His job... I know He needs me to get out of my own way. Why is it so hard to do that sometimes?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Lent & First Peanutly Appointment!

Well! Lent starts today! So this past week, I had to kind of take a step back and see what parts of my life need to be set straight.

I thought about my eating. But I kind of feel like the Lord has helped me center and balance that part of my life. Of course there are things that need attention still, its not perfect, and never will be! I just couldn't think of any kind of food that I could give up and actually have significance enough to pleasure my God. Or any kind of food, for that matter, that would remain healthy for my lifestyle (fasting is out of the question for me and my little Peanutly!).  I don't smoke, and don't really drink (at all now!), can't have caffeine any more, and haven't been allowed soda since surgery! And then it hit me, as I sat on my butt, scrolling through the Facebook newsfeed for the 20th time that day... I need to give up Facebook! I am so addicted to checking up on it, seeing if I have a little red notification... or a new message... or seeing what she said about what he had done to that dude when he said that to her... OH BOY! I can openly admit that my faith is suffering because of Facebook. How many times a day should I have opened up my bible instead of opening up my laptop!?! How many times a day should I be chatting it up with my best friend Christ, when I decide to open up Facebook chat!?! So! Here's to day 1 of 40. Anyone want to put money on how much cleaner my house is going to be!?! He he he =) I will have so much more time to focus on living my life like Christ- taking care of my home, and my family, and my body!

As if today was not exciting enough, I had my first Peanutly appointment!!! Just the nurse appointment, no ultrasound or fun heart beat sounds. Even still, just talking about my little Nutly, makes me so giddy with excitement! Turns out, I'm around 6 weeks and 1 day. The nurse gave me an estimated due date of October 11, 2012. Kind of awesome. 10-11-12! What a neat birthday that would be! My daughter was born exactly on her due date, it would be great if this one was too!! I was also able to ask some questions that have been quite pressing lately. Firstly I wanted to know about my exercising. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was worried about what high heart rates would do to my little baby!

But just as I suspected, nothing I do will harm the baby. Just so long as I'm not sky diving or horseback riding (where I could be thrown off), little Peanutly should be just fine =) He told me a good rule of thumb to follow, is that if I can't carry out a conversation while working out, I should probably slow down. Easy! Now I can continue my work outs with a piece of mind! Another thing that was weighing heavy on my heart, and filling it with a bit of anxiety, is that baby is due around the month that we PCS (Permanent Change of Station). So I've been very curious wether or not they would extend us. I am dead set on having this baby at home. Not that I didn't have a good experience here with my first, but I would much rather be home and with my family for this little bundle of joy! Well, according to the nurse, he could almost guarantee that we would qualify for an early PCS! In order not to violate OPSEC (Operation Security) I won't say when. But I'm quite excited about the vibes he was sending me about it! Of course this is the Army... and everything is ALWAYS subject to change. But at least it gives me a little something to go off of! My next appointment is on the 15th of March! Kind of an awesome day to have this appointment, and let me tell you why. 6 years ago on the 15th of March, my husband and I started dating! We were in high school! I couldn't think of a better day to see our little baby for the first time then this day. Its fun to look back on the March 15th, 2006... I would have never imagined that 6 years later that's what we would be doing! God works in such wonderful ways, I love the way He's worked in my life! Just utterly amazing!


Monday, February 20, 2012

Back In My Favorite Hoodie!!

This. This article of clothing right here... is my. Favorite. Hoodie!!!!!

The reason this hoodie happens to be my favorite, is because my husband gave it to me at a moment I was most proud to be hanging on his arm... when he graduated basic training! I was (and most certainly still am) so proud to be his wife on that day!
The names that are listed on each side, are the people that were in his company. 

And here we are! The day he gave it to me! Looking frumpy, next to him in his fresh Class A's. Its funny how much more decorated that uniform is already! 

I was so proud after returning home (and him on his way to his next training station) to flaunt this hoodie!

As I started to gain weight, it began to get tighter and not so flattering (yes, even I could make a hoodie even less flattering then it already is!) and it took a "back seat" in my closet. I was quite bummed that it didn't fit anymore. Such a drag!

Well... in my many failed attempts at finding something to wear today, I got to the end of the line in my closet and there it sat. I pulled and rubbed the sleeve of this sacred hoodie, and reminisced about the days (not much unlike today) where it cured my frustrations of not being able to find something to wear. So... I figured why not? I yanked it off the hanger, and gave it a go! 

and ugh...


Non-Scale Victory much?!? I think so =) Although, my scale victories aren't to shabby these day's either!! ;-)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

At the end of a road...

Bloggers take note- this post has nothing to do with my band, and not much pertaining to being an army wife. But most of all pertaining to the first word in the name of my blog. 

I need my husband. One of he reasons I married him is because I don't want to live with out him. 

PROCLAIMER: I am in a desperate state right now, and what I'm about to post is pretty raw and unusual coming from me. I don't normally like to let the whole world in on the downsides that life brings my way, but I am truly at the end of a road here, and I don't know where to go. I need the help, and support of my family and friends. If you can't offer any of those things, I need to politely ask you to move along. I also must warn, that this is not the happiest of posts, so if you are already feeling down... or don't want a damper put on your day... I would again politely suggest that you move along.

There are two, not only two, but two male figures in my life that are ill. 

My father, Gary, has been battling Cirrosis of the liver and Hepititas C for several years now. He even endured, quite strongly, a liver transplant a couple of years ago. Its been hard seeing my dad's health diminish, and to hear doctors estimations on how much longer he has to live. 
But my husband, Joey, has always been my rock through these hard realizations. He's kept me strong and clear-minded to push through in the most positive of ways. 

All through highschool, Joey never had so much as a headache. I would always be the one to fall sick, and he would always be the one to care for me (aside from my parents of course... can't deny them any credit what-so-ever!). I never saw him take even a tylenol, accept maybe in college, for a slight hangover =). 

I wish this were the case today.

As many of you know(blogger world, and facebook world), Joey has been dealing with a knee injury. A meniscal tear, and a 8 mm sist in it's place. Its been over a year that he has been walking around in unbearable pain, and nothing has been done that helps him. He has been denied surgery twice, and at this point just gets one drug after another pushed on him, and he's shoved out the door. Also, last year, he was told he had a stomach ulcer. But they were confident that it wasn't severe enough so it should heal it self. The medicine that they give him for his knee... upsets the ulcer... and he is violently vomitting at least a dozen times a week. 

^It's all a little more complicated then what I have written here, but I needed to simplify for the sake of getting to my point.  

These two men, who are so unbelievably important to me, are a complete mess with their health. My dad's health is being handled to best extent it can be... he is currently making his way to one of the best medical treatment centers for his condition that could be offered to a human with his condition.

But my husband, has been jerked around in circles for way too long. And it just seems like there is no end in sight. What can a wife do for a husband who is too fed up with doctors appointments to want to try anymore. Not to say he has completely given up- they are currently working on trying some new things (like injections) for his knee to continue exploring ways to make dealing with is pain easier. But in the meantime, I can't find my husband.  

Between the stresses of work, the pain that he is in, and the way he is constantly getting sick has truly saddened me right to the core of my soul. I go about my daily life all too often taking for granted the zero amount of pain I have.  I find myself constantly asking him "How are you still functioning?!" and his answer is everytime "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine." End of conversation.

His health has affected our lives in such an astonishing way, as it should. Not a complaint, just a realization. We don't go for walks together anymore, we don't eat dinner together anymore (because more often then not, what I cook will either upset his stomach, or his stomach is already upset, and he can't eat), and the over-all vibe in our house tends to get pretty low. 

I don't. Know. What. To do anymore. Why is it that a human has to live this way? Or are soldiers no longer humans? This is not to say that we have it the worst. God has blessed our lives in more ways then we can count, and there are SO many other people in the world that are dealing with pain far greater than that of my husband's, and that of my broken heart for my husband. And I know there is more we could be doing to figure out how to get Joey's health back up, so he has a better quality of life. It's just easier said then done. I am at my wits end, and so completely tired of seeing my almost 24 year old husband in this state. Pray for my Dad and my husband, please? 

What I would give to take my daughter and I back to a day, when her daddy was truly happy and pain free. 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Back On Track

I weighed myself this morning and it seems that I am out of my weird plateauing funk and officially down a pound. I wasn't all that happy with this pound, only because I've lost it before, but at least I lost a few more ounces just to top it off!! But this pound for me is very special. During my first pregnancy, I never.. EVER.. lost a single pound. It was always an increasing number on the scale. So this one pound, so generously appearing on Valentines Day (ahhhh, sweet love), is very revealing for my future, I feel!

Now before I go on... I want everyone to know that I am 100% ok with the fact that I will most certainly be gaining weight with this pregnancy. I know that is what's natural, and I am in no way going to be starving my baby or cutting off the oxygen to my baby during workouts. But...

I still have this vision that I can reach "one-derland" while pregnant. Just a vision! No one jump down my throat, please, for being optimistic. If it doesn't happen until after the pregnancy, fine. But if I can achieve it in a healthy manner, in a manner that will still give my little Peanutly all the nutrients and.. well.. oxygen it needs, why not shoot for it?! It's only 15 pounds away. Wow. I remember when it was 40 pounds away. That feels pretty good. So, 15 pounds. Even if I just dip a toe in the "one-derland" pool... I'd be thrilled with that. Because 15 pounds, at maybe one a week, would bring me well into my second trimester when my calories are supposed to slightly increase. So if I touch 1-something and go back up, I would mentally be able to handle it.

ATTN: THIS IS NOT A DIET! I will not be eating less or changing anything about the way I eat or exercise! This is simply carrying on the way I have been, and continuing to eat healthy. THIS. IS. NOT. A. DIET.

So before commenting, please re-read paragraph number 2. I will be going over this ~vision~ with my nurse and/or doctor when that appointment comes up on the 22nd of February. So I promise to only go by what the ole medical team thinks is safe! =)

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Title In Post!

I call this post "How I'm Not Going to Put On 70 Pounds With This Pregnancy, And Therefore Won't Have To Correct The Errors of Laziness While Growing a Baby In My Belly That Would Further Result In Bad Lifestyle Habits After That Baby Is Born (Which Would In Turn Take of Years Of The Life I Would Have With My Babies,) And Not Need To Get Some Sort Of Surgery To Rectify All Of The Above!"

Call it a title. Call it a run-on sentence. But I call it the truth! This week I started falling back into my old habits. It was really hard for me to find honesty with myself and notice that the way I was starting to look at food, was reverting back to my pre-surgery days. And my pre-surgery days were mostly all habits that I had formed while being pregnant. So here I am pregnant again... how am I going to stop this cycle?!

I have no desire to push out another 10 pound baby. Not only was I unfair to my daughter while I housed her in my flabby belly, but I was unfair to her for the day she came into the world. There was no reason why she had to weigh that much. I am most positive that I am the reason she did, due to my eating and exercising habits.

I am truly very excited to have a healthier pregnancy this time around. I will not be utilizing this pregnancy as an excuse to not exercise, or not eat properly. I also WILL NOT be putting on 70 pounds. I don't look at this as setting myself up for failure. I know that pregnancy most often comes hand in hand with weight gain. I know that things will change as my body changes... I have been through this once before. But 70 pounds is just simply not an option.

Though I am still early on in this pregnancy, I have to make this vow right now in order not to fail myself, my unborn child, my born child, and my husband. This time around that I am with child, I will do better, and I will be fair. Help keep me honest folks! I will of course be writing in future posts about slip ups (perhaps having to do with fatty ice cream and sodium enriched pickles). But overall, I won't be allowing myself to eat a box (or sometimes two) of Kraft spiral macaroni and cheese a day. In other words, I am looking forward to doing this differently.

I will do better, and I will be fair!
Hold me to it?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Thank you!

For some reason my blog isn't allowing me to post replies, or comments on my own blog post. But its important to me that I say thank you for all of the congrats and kind words! I so enjoyed reading each of your comments, and wanted to express how grateful I am for all of you!! It should be an interesting 9 months!

Monday, February 6, 2012

That Was Quick!

Well my fellow banditas and fellow friends!- I'm pregnant! Found out a week ago today. My husband and I had been talking about baby number two for a while, and officially made the decision to actively start trying on the 8th of January. Everything I had read about Trying To Conceive (TTC) after the band, was that it could take a few months. Well... leave it to Fertile Myrtle here, we got it done within 22 days of deciding to start TTC!
Since we were trying I new when I was ovulating and all that fun garbage... but the week after, I started to notice I was exhausted. Over nothing. Didn't want to go to the gym. Just wanted to lay on the couch all day. One of the many blessings from God that I have, is that I am able to be a stay at home Mom. So being glued to the couch with now ambition for a week straight was plausible for me. Maybe not acceptable... but definitely doable. So I took a week. Literally did nothing for the week, no house work, bare minimum for errands, and just laid around all day with my sweet baby girl. During that week I was feeling a lot of post-ovulation anxiety. Did it work? Do I still work? Did we do enough? Do we deserve this? Really had me feeling stressed and low. Which is when I kind of gave the whole thing over to the Lord. I know His will is whats going to be done anyway, so why should I bother stressing about it, and trying to control it?!
So after that first week of wallowing in an ambition-less rut, I decided I needed to break out of it. Snap out of it. Went out to lunch with friends, got back to the gym a little more, and definitely got my house back under control. However, I was still feeling run down. In order to not read into these symptoms too much, I blamed it on the quality of my sleep. I had been tossing and turning a lot, and having crazy weird dreams. Then getting up every morning at 7 am (on the dot) with my girly, made for some exhausting days. So I just tried to start going to bed earlier, and exercising more through out the day. I just didn't want to get my hopes up that all of these little things were signs of pregnancy if they were simply signs of a needed lifestyle boost.
I really started believing I was pregnant on the 27th of January. I went out to lunch with a good friend of mine, and long story short, ended up almost passing out on restaurant's bathroom floor. My friend drove me to the hospital, and one of the first things I told them was that my husband and I had been TTC and that I could be pregnant. I had been having weird dizzy spells for a while, but for some reason it had intensified when I went out to lunch. Well, they told me it was "Most likely irrelevant" but they would take a urine sample to be sure. At that point, I was only a 8 days past ovulation... so it wouldn't have shown up on a urine test. A blood test (which is what I am now learning they should have done) would have revealed I was indeed pregnant, and that it was not in fact vertigo (ha ha ha.) Oh well. Three day's later I got my big fat positive with not one, but two clear blue easy digital HPT. Regardless of all of the symptoms... the results of those tests knocked me right on my caboose! I was amazed at how fast God had answered he prayers of my husband and I!
Since these test results came back about 30 minutes after my husband left for work (right around 6 am) I had quite a bit of time to plan how I was going to tell him we were pregnant! So, here's what I came up with-

I was up a good hour before my daughter was due to wake up, so I planned the happiest way I could think of to tell my 18 month old that she was going to be a big sister! Not the she could understand, but I think it will be fun for her to look back on when she can understand! Tears (probably pregnant hormonal ones) fell from my face as my sweet girl ate her breakfast, and colored this awesome coloring page!

This was the finished product we came up with for Daddy! It was such a rich morning. 

Being the obsessive person I am, and being fortunate enough to get these positive results first thing on a Monday morning,  I was on the horn as soon as the appointment hotline opened so I could get in and get my blood work done. I wanted to have it done before I told my husband, partly because it would make it that much better, but also because I still couldn't quite believe that we were ALREADY pregnant. I dealt with a wonderful nurse named Merry, and she really helped me get things moving for the day so my obsessive plan could work out. After running around all day like a chicken with it's head cut off, I got the blood work done, and got the positive results back!! Talk about floating with happiness and excitement! 
My daughter and I drove right up to my husband's place of work. Luckily he had asked me to pick him up a sandwich for lunch, so it wasn't too insane that we were showing up in the middle of his work day. I stuck the coloring my daughter had done for her daddy inside the Subway bag, and handed it too him. I said "Hunny, baby girl colored you a picture this morning, I really think you'll like it." And of course he did! The look on his face was just perfect. And it brightened even more when I pulled the HPT's out of my pocket (didn't think he would have been to fond of my pee sticks being in with his food...). 

We. Are. SO. Excited!

So that's the story. And from here on out, I'll still be posting about my band. Just with a pregnant spin on it!!!