Sunday, February 19, 2012

At the end of a road...

Bloggers take note- this post has nothing to do with my band, and not much pertaining to being an army wife. But most of all pertaining to the first word in the name of my blog. 

I need my husband. One of he reasons I married him is because I don't want to live with out him. 

PROCLAIMER: I am in a desperate state right now, and what I'm about to post is pretty raw and unusual coming from me. I don't normally like to let the whole world in on the downsides that life brings my way, but I am truly at the end of a road here, and I don't know where to go. I need the help, and support of my family and friends. If you can't offer any of those things, I need to politely ask you to move along. I also must warn, that this is not the happiest of posts, so if you are already feeling down... or don't want a damper put on your day... I would again politely suggest that you move along.

There are two, not only two, but two male figures in my life that are ill. 

My father, Gary, has been battling Cirrosis of the liver and Hepititas C for several years now. He even endured, quite strongly, a liver transplant a couple of years ago. Its been hard seeing my dad's health diminish, and to hear doctors estimations on how much longer he has to live. 
But my husband, Joey, has always been my rock through these hard realizations. He's kept me strong and clear-minded to push through in the most positive of ways. 

All through highschool, Joey never had so much as a headache. I would always be the one to fall sick, and he would always be the one to care for me (aside from my parents of course... can't deny them any credit what-so-ever!). I never saw him take even a tylenol, accept maybe in college, for a slight hangover =). 

I wish this were the case today.

As many of you know(blogger world, and facebook world), Joey has been dealing with a knee injury. A meniscal tear, and a 8 mm sist in it's place. Its been over a year that he has been walking around in unbearable pain, and nothing has been done that helps him. He has been denied surgery twice, and at this point just gets one drug after another pushed on him, and he's shoved out the door. Also, last year, he was told he had a stomach ulcer. But they were confident that it wasn't severe enough so it should heal it self. The medicine that they give him for his knee... upsets the ulcer... and he is violently vomitting at least a dozen times a week. 

^It's all a little more complicated then what I have written here, but I needed to simplify for the sake of getting to my point.  

These two men, who are so unbelievably important to me, are a complete mess with their health. My dad's health is being handled to best extent it can be... he is currently making his way to one of the best medical treatment centers for his condition that could be offered to a human with his condition.

But my husband, has been jerked around in circles for way too long. And it just seems like there is no end in sight. What can a wife do for a husband who is too fed up with doctors appointments to want to try anymore. Not to say he has completely given up- they are currently working on trying some new things (like injections) for his knee to continue exploring ways to make dealing with is pain easier. But in the meantime, I can't find my husband.  

Between the stresses of work, the pain that he is in, and the way he is constantly getting sick has truly saddened me right to the core of my soul. I go about my daily life all too often taking for granted the zero amount of pain I have.  I find myself constantly asking him "How are you still functioning?!" and his answer is everytime "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine." End of conversation.

His health has affected our lives in such an astonishing way, as it should. Not a complaint, just a realization. We don't go for walks together anymore, we don't eat dinner together anymore (because more often then not, what I cook will either upset his stomach, or his stomach is already upset, and he can't eat), and the over-all vibe in our house tends to get pretty low. 

I don't. Know. What. To do anymore. Why is it that a human has to live this way? Or are soldiers no longer humans? This is not to say that we have it the worst. God has blessed our lives in more ways then we can count, and there are SO many other people in the world that are dealing with pain far greater than that of my husband's, and that of my broken heart for my husband. And I know there is more we could be doing to figure out how to get Joey's health back up, so he has a better quality of life. It's just easier said then done. I am at my wits end, and so completely tired of seeing my almost 24 year old husband in this state. Pray for my Dad and my husband, please? 

What I would give to take my daughter and I back to a day, when her daddy was truly happy and pain free. 

1 comment:

  1. I had surgery a little of a year ago for a meniscus rip a little of a year ago. He needs to find a doctor that will do it.
    I will pray for you and your family.